This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
