i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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