wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
