***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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