FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My bed smells like the plague
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
