Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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