I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize