Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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