I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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