who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
