this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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