Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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