You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
its liver damage thursday
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
