wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
