you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
