Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
