i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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