I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
