you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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