how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
