I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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