I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
