Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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