New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
