If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Still dying that you shit outside
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
