Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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