Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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