Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
