I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
