Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
