my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
