I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
