Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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