yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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