weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
