she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize