i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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