he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
