It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
