you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
