Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
