p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
