You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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