dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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