I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
