There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
