yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
