non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
