YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
