i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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