You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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