dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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