Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
