I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize