Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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