I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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