Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize