Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
