I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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