Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
