Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
