I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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