Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
