Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
