im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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