OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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