all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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