In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
