My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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