I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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