Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
