One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
