She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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