She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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