we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
